Though people try and say I'm not, I know better.
I watch my movements as the day carries on so I don't do anything hurtful.
I try learning from past mistakes with what I've been told I do wrong.. which has been everything.
Change is very hard, but it's something I've been attempting to do, and doing somewhat successfully..
I know she's having a hard time with everything that's happened last year,
Though I can understand her not wanting to talk about it, I still worry.
Out of everyone I've been with.. she is the one I'd do anything not to hurt.
Sadly though, I feel that's all I've been doing. Pestering her about little meaningless things,
Not taking into account her own feeling some of the time.
Like the last 2 weeks, she's been playing a game on Gaia called "zOMG", and it's been steadily consuming her time.
But it's mostly fine. I like the fact she's doing something she enjoy's, but dislike the fact it's cutting into the time we talk.
I bring up the point of how little we talk anymore, even time when I fall asleep while waiting up.
But what I keep forgetting until after my little rants is that I'm not the only person she can talk to.
She has other friends and her own life outside us that she needs to focus on at times as well.
Yet the only thing I think about is "How I hate that game when she disappears for hours."
I have MANY faults that would most likely scare anyone else away.
Jealous, over-bearing at times, Controlling, and many other pathetic traits.
I've been like that thus far because.. all my past girlfriends have gave me good reason to.
I've been cheated on by everyone except my current girlfriend and one long ago.
I've had to endure their snide remarks in conversations with other people about me.
I've endured much, but most of which, as you can see, I deserve for not saying something earlier.
Or for that matter putting up with it.
See, as far as I can see, so far, those I've dated had moved on to someone else, and stayed with them for extended periods of time.
I'm beginning to feel like Dane Cook in 'Good Luck Chuck' minus the sex.
Though, I've been suppressing many of those feelings that come out just because of the experiences
I've tried not to let them show for a very easy reason.
I Love her.
She has been a very dear friend for a long time now.
And not once in that time has she ever lead me in the wrong direction, nor has she ever done me wrong.
She has shown me good friendship, and built a very strong trust.
I trust her more than anyone else I've ever known.
She's a very warm and pleasant individual, the likes of which are rarely seen.
Everybody has there problems, she isn't any different.
I try not to pry so as to not upset her, so I just ride along until she's ready to talk.
She is... exceptional. In my eyes.
Very amazing, kind-hearted, loving, wonderful girl.
Everytime I hear her voice or get a message from her, my heart instantly increases it's beating.
I truly hope, I can make her happy and help her, if nothing else, cope with her problems.
She means the world to me, and everything has been pretty happy so far, and I hope it keeps going like this.
Because there is nothing I wouldn't do to see her smile..
I love you ♥
